Ask HN: How do you talk about past jobs you regret in interviews?

An interview is a sales pitch for a product. The product just happens to be you. Set aside whatever negative feelings you have about this previous job or the people you worked with there. The interviewers care if you will do their job well and with consistency and professionalism. Your personal feelings are irrelevant as long as you can keep them to yourself, or maybe tell your dog.

ANY negativity during a job interview is going to work against you. It is expected that you find a way to spin every situation and every project in some kind of positive light. Even when interviewers ask for weaknesses or about conflict, the “right” answer is to be able to talk about that negative thing in a way that lets your true brilliance shine through. Skilled candidates know how to inject just the right amount of humanity and relatability in an otherwise perfect employee.

If you are having trouble separating your feelings from your ability to keep to your talking points, then a good therapist may be able to help you learn better emotional regulation skills.

In the future, keep working to proactively manage your career. Keep yourself in roles where you are learning and thriving. When you feel burnout creeping in, deploy strategies to counter it or at least get yourself into a new situation.

Having been on both sides of the table, I can offer a few pieces of advice:

1. It’s probably best not to mention negative experiences unless it’s prompted by the interviewer. In some cases it may be super relevant and unavoidable, but aside from that, best to leave it alone.

2. Be clear and unambiguous about what was negative. Don’t be vague. I once had a candidate say something like “yeah and that job didn’t end very nicely…I’ll just leave it at that.” This is not a good thing to say in a job interview.

3. Always tie it to something positive. The story should end with a note about how you grew from the experience.

One:

You talk about bad situations, not bad people. “Shifting financial realities meant we had to pivot our product deep into the deployment process.” That’s not anyone’s fault. It just happens sometimes. Talk about how your team struggled to deliver success despite a challenging external speed bump.

Two:

Talk kindly about people you can't stand. Your coworker wasn't an asshole. He was an assertive person with a different perspective than yours, and you worked to find common ground so that you could succeed despite your competing visions. Bonus points if you can internalize this mindset and start seeing said assholes as people you merely impersonally disagree with. This makes life much happier.

Don’t lean into the negative. Lean into the positive results you managed to scavenge even with those obstacles. That's what a new boss wants to hear that you're capable of.

Why cant we just be bilaterally honest? Everyone has at least one. Whats so wrong witb simply answering, "If I could do it over I'd spend my time differently." That seems pretty neutral and good enough to me. I trash talks no one, and you have conveyed honestly you would have spent that time better if you had a redo. I'd rather hear that answer over contrived, tell me what you think I want to hear any day.

1) It sounds like you have a decent amount of negativity built up from your previous role, and you haven't quite vented it all out. Get it out of your system -- talk to a friend that gets how annoying that was and vent until you're tired of talking about it. Get heard and you'll feel like the negativity is finally behind you.

2) Think about the opportunities that your previous job gave you. Specifically opportunities. Every time a negative thought comes up, ask "What was my opportunity at that moment?" and write down your answer. Opportunity to disagree and commit? Great. Opportunity to solidify your understanding of your own values? Great! Opportunity to challenge yourself and work on something outside of your comfort zone? etc. Write those down and brag about them to your next amazing job!

The truth is, while you had past jobs you hated or regretted it, you got something out of it. You learned to deal with difficult people, you learned to manage hard situations, you navigated through tumultuous times, you learned a ton about growing, and you found out what you were capable of even in the darkest times. If anything, this can be super positive. You can also just say your past roles "were a good start to your career but didn't fit my future goals as much as this role does" and then jump in to what you want to do in your future and how this role fits.

There is always a positive takeaway after you get enough distance from something. My last studio was a complete catastrophe. I was angry for a while after they laid us all off. But I realized that I had been given a college education in how Big Gaming really works and been paid 2 years of salary to attend. I took that education to do my next thing that I'm working on now.

Major red flag to say anything negative about prior employers during interviews.

It’s pretty simple. Just put a positive lens on everything. Yes, you’ll need to paint a new (positive) story in your mind that might be different from what you’ve told yourself after leaving the job.

The main thing you’re trying to avoid is making the interviewer wonder if you were actually the problem all along. (When you’re interviewing a candidate it’s impossible to know “who was in the right” - so, avoid putting interviewers in a spot where they have to judge whether your complaints are valid)

First rule of interviewing- NEVER say bad things about past employers (or anything else, always be positive). Second rule of interviewing- ALWAYS say good things about past employers, or say nothing. Unless you are specifically asked about employer you prefer not to talk about- then ALWAYS say only good things about them. You talking bad things about past employment means you will also talk bad things about people you try to join. And it also potentially can backfire if recruiter figures you was actually the problem.

IMHO, if you do have negativity in you it will leak out later and make your situation worse. Better treat the core problem- which is you not being able to leave past where it belongs- in the past.

Start by writing down everything that annoyed you in this job. Treat it like a journal/therapy session where you just “vent” all your frustrations out onto the paper/screen. Then take a breath and a break. Go back to it later and review each situation and find something positive in it. In every situation you at least learn something, or you strengthened a skill, or you helped the business by just getting it done, etc.

It’s an incredibly privileged position, I accept, but I don’t want to work somewhere that doesn’t want to hire the real me, and so I’ve always just been 100% honest and assumed things will work out.

I don't. This is simply not the place for that.

If they were bad, I would say that they were not (whatever you seek - technical or challenging or whatever) and move on. I will mention that I did them right and I am looking for a more (take your pick from above) position.

Really, this is not a psychologist cabinet.

FWIIW, I hire technical or semi-technical people for my teams, from besides basic to get senior. Not a lot because people tend to stay a long time - one of the things I am truly proud of (just after having a fantastic team)

Realise that most people have these experiences at some point in their career. You don't need to explain the frustrations you had to your future employer or coworkers.

Focus on the accomplishments, how you navigated tough situations, how you helped make things better.

Cut all the 'extreme' truth about the reality of the situation out. There is no benefit in over sharing how you felt about this, that or the other thing while working there.

when i interviewed candidates for software engineering roles in $non-tech-megacorp i was primarily interested in how folks did in the problem solving / coding / API design interviews.

but, we also asked some behavioural questions about past experiences. we don't say it explicitly, but we're looking for responses like --- can you say some words that suggest you have demonstrated initiative at work, or you can sometimes influence others and build support for a decision rather than unilaterally doing stuff without consultation (we're $megacorp, not $startup...) . you don't need to be able to talk at length about all aspects of your past job, but you do need to be able to offer a few examples of That Time When I Demonstrated Initiative, or That Time When I Influenced The Stakeholders that can be mashed into a digestible Situation / Task / (your) Action / Result format & where you can give a few reasonable answers to follow up questions from interviewers who probe and ask annoying questions like "so, what exactly were your responsibilities?"

another thing we'd be probing for is "growth mindset" type stuff. a bad response to "if you were in a similar situation in future, what would you do differently?" is "nothing, everything i did at $oldjob was optimal". a response that shows some reflection, a willingness to admit not everything you do is perfect, and concrete ideas for improvements to behaviour or process comes across much better. no need to enumerate all your worst failings, cherry-pick and offer one or two lesser ones.

for these kinds of behavioural questions based on past experience, we didn't really care if junior / intermediate hires struggled to give strong responses. We would be a lot more concerned about poor responses to these questions for engineering managers or other positions with a leadership component.

having a prepared short form answer to "why are you applying for a job here" is also a good idea.

if you have friends or acquaintances who regularly interview folks who you can hit up for a favour, you could see if they'd be willing to conduct a mock interview and then give you feedback about things you could improve on.

“I learned a lot” - this has the advantage of being, hopefully, true. And you probably worked with some interesting and talented people. Think about your positive interactions with them.

A long time ago I was invited to a job interview. After a nice chat, I told them that I had left the previous company because of internal conflicts and too much office politics. I asked if they had the same problem and they assured me that they did not. I also talked about a security breach that defaced our website, but put it in the context of the overall success of our security practice.

In conclusion, I think it's important to be specific about the key negative factor (if asked about) and to frame negative things in a generally positive light, while remaining honest. After all, it's our perceptions and our attitudes that we can change. An interview is not the place to unload your negative feelings. It also helps to remain objective when things get uncomfortable.

From the behavioral interview standpoint, all you have to talk about is what you did and how well you did it in STAR format.

I have asked a question both in interviews and one on ones with current employees, “If you had a magic wand, what are the three things you could change about the company?”.

That’s the time to be more honest about unrealistic deadlines.

But even then I’m going to ask a follow up question about what did you do to try to influence change. I don’t think there has ever been a time in my career (29 years, 10 jobs) that I couldn’t have talked to higher ups and negotiate between time, cost and requirements. I didn’t always do a good job at it early career.

There are two strategies, first ask the same “magic wand” questions. The second is to have an emergency fund large enough to confidently say “no” and knowing that your bills will be paid while you look for another job.

Oh and the third - keep an up to date resume, a constantly updated longer form career document that lists out your major accomplishments in STAR format, an up to date skillset, and a solid network.

You’ll have to muster some positive energy from yourself: write the experience in a positive way: “I learned here that authenticity is important to my leadership style; I expect that my team to be motivated by serving the customer, rather than checking off busywork for made up deadlines.” And practice giving that positive statement with a friend or in a less important interview.

If you did do "pretty cool work" be prepared to say what was cool about it. It may be a struggle but it's what you have to do.

I'm not sure how you would handle your specific situation, but my general take on interviews is that the interviewer isn't just screening you, in the sense that they want to know what you did and your skillset and skill level, they're also trying to figure out how well you can navigate interpersonal politics. And the problem is that for a lot of people those two things seem contradictory, because with interpersonal politics we'll intentionally spin things just slightly, not like a politician but just to maintain a good vibe and keep everyone comfortable and engaged. Like imagine if you were in a social gathering, and there's also a girl you like in there that you're trying to impress, and someone asked you about that previous role, you wouldn't drift off into a rant or anything negative because you don't want to kill the vibes of the meeting, you want to look your best because there's a girl you like there, so maybe you'd say something like "ah, it just wasn't a good fit". And if that came up while you were dating that girl you like, and she wanted to dig deeper on it, you wouldn't just repeat the same thing, because it would look like you're being evasive and she would then be on the defensive because she would've felt like she's prying too much, and it would kill the vibe, you'd just say something a little bit more, also keeping it short, and maybe mention something good about working there that you learned, and then not forcefully but try to make some room to move to another subject, or if you can do it slickly without making it feel awkward then you just shift to some other topic that feels engaging without making it look evasive. Again, it's all about maintaining a good vibe. And companies want to know the ins and outs about you, but they also just want to know that you have some social skills in doing stuff like that, because they're running a company with different kinds of people, sometimes from very different backgrounds, and they need the team to work together and feel cohesive. The company and the management are already trying to keep the company afloat and profitable, it's own engineering problem, on top of marketing, on top of operational concerns, they don't want to have concerns around political drama in the office, they want to know that you can be cool. Unless you're a boy genius from Southie, then maybe they'll tolerate a lot of weird shit from you, but you aren't a boy genius from Southie.

Given the context, I am assuming this is on the "behavioural" side of the IV (aka what most companies call culture fit). And I am assuming you are applying to "traditional" companies, that is companies that have a defined hiring process and are large enough. This includes all FAANG and what not.

My advice:

  - write down the stories (use cases) before the actual IV
  - for each story, focus on what you learnt / succeeded
  - for the really negative ones, focus on the learning
  - for the other ones, focus on the outcomes, mentioning  things that worked and maybe some things that did not work  and how you did it

The thing about these situations is that it’s a small world, and the interviewer isn’t necessarily your friend. That cuts both ways. The interviewer may know people at your place and love/hate them. You may be the 25th person from your company to come through the place for all you know. Demonstrate that you add value and GAF.

Having been in this situation, the way I handled it was treating it as a business problem. My story was that I loved the work and feel a great reward from delivering great products/outcomes, but we got pulled into a bad cycle of poor time management that compromised the work. You’re here to deliver excellence. It’s not about blame, it about finding a place to win.

If you can deliver a narrative like that which doesn’t sound bitchy, it’s really powerful.

Try to separate your feelings from objective facts. And focus on facts in the interview. Be very biased towards facts that show your best sides and achievements. It helps to prepare a list of such facts and stories in advance.

I have learnt after trying various levels of honesties in interviews that you just don't talk about "negative" things as negative things, you talk about negative things disguised/spun as positive things, however much it may disgust you.

This is a different kind of example than you have kind of mentioned but here you go - try telling someone that a manager just earmarked you and bullied you into depression or ran you out of the team or company and your regret being complacent[1]. You saw it coming, a poster on the wall but you didn't act in time and you let it fester and that it was a huge learning. That's exactly what had happened and see the result - you will instantly be assumed to be the problem employee; not even for a moment the hiring manager would think, or take into account, that the manager was the problem.

At best you can show them as "challenges" and how those "opened doors" for you in various new "dimensions" of "learning" and "growth" and enabled you to "mature" further and helped you start your journey on the "path" to "leadership" roles. I don't know about you but it disgusts me just typing here. But that is what I have done and that is what I will do.

But the best way to handle it is - not to talk about it if you can help it and fill your CV or the "tell me about challenges in your last roles" section of the interview preparation with completely made up instances, if you can handle the yarn; I can't and I go bonkers spinning them, so I try to stick to what really happened with little or a lot of "colour".

[1] Heaven forbid, if you tell them "you regret not standing up to that manager and not fighting and making a stink" :)

We ask this question in interviews too. One purpose is we want people who disagree and can handle this maturely. Everyone has negative experiences. People who don't have likely never tried anything difficult. But you have to be diplomatic about this.

Practice it. Write the answer. Go over it for 20 hours. Treat it like a presentation because it is. I go so far as to make an AI "interviewer" in Vapi so I can voice it out, and you can mod the tone to be supportive, indifferent, sarcastic, etc.

If you're disappointed with yourself, say that. Humans make mistakes. Someone out there started smoking or drinking once. Someone had an affair. You don't know which of your interviewers did which, but you can assume that everyone has done something they knew was a bad idea.

It's also reasonable to assume that an applicant is leaving for reasons. Bored? Wants more money? That's a pretty bad reason. Unhappy? That's a much better reason. What's the catch? Why is this property on the market for cheap? A trick is to imply what people want to hear - you're looking to work with smarter people, better processes, get your shit together, etc.

It's about telling a story, and it's important to tell the right one. They don't want to hear a data sheet of facts or an emotional unloading of regrets and dissatisfaction. They want to know that you are a professional, you know how to work with others and how to get the job done. If all that stands between you and unemployment is taking creative liberties in how you explain your employment history, well that's your choice to make.

There are many interview guides available on the internet. They often contain good advice for how to behave in an interview.

There's no secret, actually. Be kind and be honest.

You don't, the job market is one big lie. There is no loyalty. Try to get the most money and best position. Make yourself look as good as possible without looking unbelievable.

Omit employers with bad breakups.

I hate lying to such an extent that the moment an interviewer starts digging into why I left past roles I just accept I'm not going to get the job. If the interviewer is trying to find out how much I am willing to play political games, then the answer is not at all. My experience is that something like 25 to 50 percent of people in leadership positions are there because they enjoy lying and playing games, are fundamentally difficult to work with, and are at best utterly mediocre at other aspects of their role. Perhaps the ratio is better at more prestigious companies, I wouldn't know. If interviewers (or anyone else) believe that makes me the problem because it's my duty to suck it up and smile then I no longer care (well, other than the amount of money such an attitude costs me...)

List the top 3 to 5 learnings or growth experience and be able to explain each of them in detail, write it down and practise saying it. If you haven't done this already, I'd be a little surprised, do you just wing it? It can get hard to talk about the best demonstrations of your ability when you've worked for several years

What a normal person would do would be to explain how the experience they gained at their last job helped qualify them for the job they are applying to. Just typical average normal shit that every fucking normal semi-competent person does when applying for a job.

What you want to do is publicly shit on your previous employer and still get another job. That's not too smart, now is it?

Every company that's looking for people to hire can see exactly how you're going to treat that company once you've moved on and no longer work there.

Everybody has issues with their previous job. The way you deal with it is you discuss those issues with your self-help group at the local bar. When you're in an interview, every single thing in your work history was great. The people that you worked with were great. The companies that you worked with were great. Everything was fucking excellent. Just totally fucking excellent. Brilliant.

When people hear, "It's a period of my life where I was mostly unhappy", that's a guy they don't want to go to work every day and work with. At least I don't. I got my own problems.

I fucking want to retire tomorrow at the latest. I don't fucking want to go in to work tomorrow. I really don't. I might call in sick. Easter Bird Flu or some completely made up shit. You think that's what I tell them? I tell them everything is going great. Everything is fucking excellent. I'm probably going to work tomorrow.

  Bat shit crazy management = top management's strategic goals were frequently updated
  We did everything in Excel = tooling was not optimal, budget restrictions limited out tech
  My manager was a fucking moron = although we had different approaches on topics, we worked to complement one-another, for much better outcomes
  

Find positive and useful things you did or learned there and invent a story around them to tell at interviews.

While you don't want to lie about your qualifications, achievements, titles, responsibilities, I don't see an issue with inventing a story to get these points across. It doesn't matter.

If nothing else, spin it as 'experience'.

no way - if you start complaining, they'll think you're pathetic and won't hire you. If you praise, they'll think you're stupid. If you talk badly about your boss, they'll decide that you'll do the same in your new job and won't hire you. You only need to say things that have to do with money. For example, you took the fact that they don't want to raise your salary too much to heart, or you can justify this move in a different way.

Focus on the cool work and not the circumstances. That's it.

Focus on the stuff you learned at the bad company. Even with jobs I’ve had that weren’t great, I still learned a lot.

I just go with honesty. Hasn’t been a problem yet.

So seems like the consensus is never say anything negative about the previous employer.

I'm not saying that this is bad advice, in the sense that doing so probably decreases your chances of getting an offer.

However, this reminds me employers who demand that all applicants can do multiple leetcode hards. Much like demanding that all applicants can do leetcode hards skews for people who cheat, dropping applicants because they say something negative skews for people who lie/spin/bullshit.

> I'm currently interviewing for new roles

> I have to talk about this one role, in detail, multiple times with every company.

Ok; so how do _you_ talk in interviews about this past job that you regret? If you've had to talk in detail about that one role multiple times, haven't you yet come up with a way to talk through it? Haven't you yet developed, either deliberately, or spontaneously, just through the sheer fact of repetition, some kind of a story around it?

Lie.

The advice here about hiding negative things is not good. It will only get you in the same mess again.

When I moved to a big corp to a small org, I said politics were bad and middle management was horrible and I got screwed over and I hated it. And pretty much everybody I talked to responded something like “yeah I am with you, we’ve all been through this shit”.

They interview you as much as you interview them. If they don’t get why you were miserable in your former job, you probably don’t want to work for them. Unless there is considerable money on the table and you’re happy to do the grind.

It’s also easier to come across as a team player when you express yourself freely rather than if you fake positivity all around.

What you have to do though, is to show a positive attitude about what you want next. “I am so excited about this because in my previous job I didn’t have that”

You do have to talk about the bad things in a distanced joyful manner. Like “my former boss really made me think of Steve Carrel in The Office”. Things like that.

Godspeed.