> one makes more money
There's this joke about a man in his 40s. He goes to the gym and asks the instructor which machine he should use to look more attractive to young ladies. The instructor looks at him and says "you'd do well by using the ATM outside".
> wouldn't want a partner that mainly chose them because they have money
That type of partner is commonly referred to as a gold digger. It's very rare that gold digger will tell you the honest reason why they're with you.
It does happen though. There's an extremely high profile couple in the US. She was asked in an TV interview if she'd be with him if he wasn't this rich. She responded "do you think he'd be with me if I wasn't this pretty?". Brutally honest I tell you.
Of course they wouldn't, but compared to not having no partner at all?
How about a partner who chose you because you had money, but stayed because less superficial things?
It's maybe sad, but it's not so surprising.
When I ask myself who in my friends circles has had the happiest, longest lasting relationships it almost never were the guys with the money.
Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean the inverse is true and you score big time if you are an ugly bum. It just means other qualities matter often more than men think. Being a kind guy, having humor, being emotionally reliable (meaning you're emotionally stable and not easily provoked, angered), being fun to be around, things like that.
I was one of those guys who always had more female friends than the average dude and I can assure you the stuff girls talk about when they consider partners are more often about how a guy is, than what he has.
Not that there aren't women who decide based perceived wealth, of course they exist. But why on earth would you consider catering to those? Got nothing else going for you except money?
Money (or access to money) is often a proxy for a certain kind of stability and access to leisure, two things that many people strive for.
But the joke wasn't about long term, successful relationships. The guy was interested in looking attractive. That could have any kind of relationship goal, from one night stands to marriage, or even meeting someone who could introduce them to even more people.
Being attractive can be helpful to get to know people. But it can also be a curse. If you know really attractive women (like international fashion model types) you will learn that it can be very hard for them at times to find friends that don't just chose them for their looks.
Now if all you want are short hook ups, sure. But I'd suspect most people are looking for a lasting partnership where the other side likes them for who they are and both people have a good time being together. And widely desirable traits can paradoxically make it harder to find that, also because the other side has incentives to fool you.
> When I ask myself who in my friends circles has had the happiest, longest lasting relationships it almost never were the guys with the money.
But that's also consistent with money being the ticket of entry, the thing you need to have to be considered as a partner in the first place (much of the time). Especially in the context of dating apps where there are so many to choose from, you might not even get the chance to show yourself as a kind, emotionally stable, fun guy to be around.
It's an entertaining joke, but I think most people wouldn't want a partner that mainly chose them because they have money.
(Certainly there's a baseline: most people want a partner with at least the financial resources to take care of themselves.)