Comment by thomastjeffery

Comment by thomastjeffery 2 days ago

It's literally in the name: Autism Spectrum Disorder.

You experience autistic traits, but not intensely enough to be a disorder? Congratulations, you can leave the word "disorder" out when you describe yourself.

Everyone masks, but some people mask so often and so intensely that it's like performing a second life; all while hoping your audience doesn't notice. Also, it physically hurts to do, because the interactions you are performing overstimulate your brain.

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I'm assuming you are an adult. Would you like to make social room for someone to be themselves around you instead of perform the role of "functional adult"? If you don't want to make that accommodation, is it something that you are willing to do anyway?

byearthithatius 2 days ago

Making "social room" is incredibly broad. I am fine with someone wearing what they want, speaking in a manner they desire, or stepping away if they are stressed. But I won't accept anything.

It all depends on how large the accommodation is. What if they say my talking overstimulates them and I must write everything down. Also the stress from masking is too much so we can only work together 30 minutes a day. In that case no, I would need to work with someone else. Not because I dislike them, but because we are not getting a project done that way.

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thomastjeffery 2 days ago

> What if they say my talking overstimulates them and I must write everything down.
The goal is to resolve the problem, not to bow to every person's whim. How many accommodations are they making for you that you are unaware of?
You can't be responsible to manage a person's disorder. You can, however, actively try to help. The most important distinction here is how you frame your participation.
One of the best ways to help is to explicitly say that you want to help and compromise, but have clear boundaries you are unwilling to cross. The default assumption, that you are unwilling to help simply because you find it inconvenient to do so, is usually accurate. It takes effort to disprove that assumption, but that proof can relieve a lot of stress.
What you have done in the comment I responded to, has had quite the opposite effect. I understand it wasn't likely your intention, but your communication implied that you are generally unwilling to make an accommodation until you personally believe it is necessary. That implication is an insurmountable boundary that every ADHD/ASD person is intimately familiar with. You are the only one in a position to move that boundary.

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