Comment by nashashmi

Comment by nashashmi a day ago

I have been in this environment for a good 5 years now. And I found myself in such positions before too. Tip: Don't run away from these problems because you only run into them again.

Communication is key. I have communicated "feelings" in various ways and gestures. Micromanagement? Respond with sarcastic comment "wow so specific, good thing I left my brain at home today". Lack of vision? Respond with "after a few runs in circles trying to find our way, we will eventually get there ... eventually".

Next, master a little bit of psych. "other half seems like playing along" tells me they are fawning while the first half are either freeze, fight, or flight but mostly freeze response also known as deer-headlight response. This person might have insecurity issues. This person might be distracted with grandeur of rank. The best way to work with them is come up with a few praises to keep them calm (like how Trump's people keep him calm).

Third, let go of your ideas and ambitions and "leave your brain at home". This manager might be dimwitted but eventually the person will get smarter and you will get a first row seat to this adventure.

Fourth, find power plays to make this person behave better.

Five, and this is the most important ... be LOYAL and let this person know you have their back. Let them know that each personal advantage of yours will be used to support the team. When you see something wrong, whisper to them and let them know.

But if this person is family, and/or this person takes advantage of you, then none of my tips work because it only works on people who want to maintain their reputation. The person I work with wants to impress me and gets anxiety attacks when I know the person lacks a few skills.

AdieuToLogic 20 hours ago

This is possibly the most dysfunctional, toxic, nihilistic, and Machiavellian advice regarding the topic of "How to Deal with a Bad Manager?", or any related topic therein, I have ever encountered.

I do not author this lightly and hope by doing so it provides an impetus for introspection.

Do with this intervention what you wish.

EDIT:

I do not know you nor your situation, work or otherwise.

What I do know is pain.

The post to which I responded has many pain indicators, or at least that is what I see when reading it. Perhaps I am just projecting though.

In the event I am not experiencing a form of projection, here is what I would like to share:

  1) Holding onto pain only embeds it further
     into one's life.

  2) "Retribution" does not alleviate one's
     own pain, but instead increases it.

  3) Codependency can be toxic and addictive.

  4) Most importantly: happiness is a choice.

The last one can be both the most obvious and most difficult to internalize.

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nashashmi 12 hours ago

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have the full understanding of your perception on this. And judging by the number of downvotes I got, your sentiment seems to be shared among others.
My advice is very different from “run”, assuming running is not an option. I want you to imagine a person who has never had too many opportunities in their life, and works in a downtrodden environment. And does not have the qualities to work somewhere better. Now this same person has wife and kids. The only thoughts that come from this is hopelessness.
In this hopelessness, minute incremental improvements is a huge world of difference. Communication, even snarkiness, will shake things. Praise will keep situations cool. Providing Safety will keep your opportunities open. I fundamentally believe that these three things at least will allow for improvements in the person.
As for your points, suffering through pain (coming from a superior or subordinate, or the environment) will make it worse, either hardening the heart or tearing it down. That is where mastering the psychology of the oppressor comes in. Knowing who you work with helps to cope with the pressure. Think of it as knowing the bully so you won’t get bullied. Retribution is not the intention, just communication. Communicate the full problem no matter how difficult it may be. And if the problem is with the person themselves, make it humorous. Codependency makes two people similar in nature. This would be the opposite of improvement.
On reflecting on my comment, I think it was a bit rushed and did not go fully in depth. It sounds very difficult to grasp. I apologize to everyone. If I could delete it I would.

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