Comment by nashashmi
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have the full understanding of your perception on this. And judging by the number of downvotes I got, your sentiment seems to be shared among others.
My advice is very different from “run”, assuming running is not an option. I want you to imagine a person who has never had too many opportunities in their life, and works in a downtrodden environment. And does not have the qualities to work somewhere better. Now this same person has wife and kids. The only thoughts that come from this is hopelessness.
In this hopelessness, minute incremental improvements is a huge world of difference. Communication, even snarkiness, will shake things. Praise will keep situations cool. Providing Safety will keep your opportunities open. I fundamentally believe that these three things at least will allow for improvements in the person.
As for your points, suffering through pain (coming from a superior or subordinate, or the environment) will make it worse, either hardening the heart or tearing it down. That is where mastering the psychology of the oppressor comes in. Knowing who you work with helps to cope with the pressure. Think of it as knowing the bully so you won’t get bullied. Retribution is not the intention, just communication. Communicate the full problem no matter how difficult it may be. And if the problem is with the person themselves, make it humorous. Codependency makes two people similar in nature. This would be the opposite of improvement.
On reflecting on my comment, I think it was a bit rushed and did not go fully in depth. It sounds very difficult to grasp. I apologize to everyone. If I could delete it I would.
> Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have the full understanding of your perception on this. And judging by the number of downvotes I got, your sentiment seems to be shared among others.
IMHO, don't worry about the downvotes, but instead take joy in our opportunity to have this discussion. Again, just my $0.02 and all that. :-)
> My advice is very different from “run”, assuming running is not an option. I want you to imagine a person who has never had too many opportunities in their life, and works in a downtrodden environment. And does not have the qualities to work somewhere better. Now this same person has wife and kids. The only thoughts that come from this is hopelessness.
My mentor lived this experience for most of his career. He had a wife and child, so chose income stability over optimal work environment for reasons I am sure you can relate. It made me sad the things he had to put up with, but I understand why he did.
Ultimately, he achieved his goal of providing for his family. However, the personal cost was high.
> On reflecting on my comment, I think it was a bit rushed and did not go fully in depth. It sounds very difficult to grasp. I apologize to everyone. If I could delete it I would.
Again, IMHO, sharing your thoughts/situation honestly is the important thing, even if others (myself included) do not agree with how it was worded. If we do not get conflict/pain off of our chest, out of our system, it can build up in our psyche much like a cut can become infected.
If anyone needs to apologize, it is me for having initially replied in such an aggressive manner. I hope you accept my apology for having done so.
EDIT:
Clarified the phrasing of "do not agree with same" to be "do not agree with how it was worded".