Comment by haswell

Comment by haswell 10 months ago

Read about the notion of “spiritual bypass”.

Yes, people turn to faith and religion. But this often amounts to a complete bypass of actually processing/reframing difficult feelings (like regret) and instead of learning to use those feelings to learn/grow and make your future less regretful, they’re offloaded onto some entity who is supposed to carry the load for you.

It works for some people for a period of time because they feel like they have permission to let go. Until it stops working because letting go isn’t enough. Actually processing these feelings is necessary but gets ignored, and eventually this build up and leads to burnout/breakdown.

(I was steeped in the church from a young age, and have watched countless people find the limits of this approach).

Better to confront things head-on.

nindalf 10 months ago

It took me until I was 19 to understand this and accept it. The reason for my failure wasn't because some higher was displeased with my lack of piety or because of some deep mysterious plan the universe had.

I failed for a much more mundane reason - I didn't work hard enough, or I didn't have the right tactics/strategy or the dice roll simply didn't go my way. In the first two cases I know what I need to fix and I can fix that. In the third case, I simply must shrug my shoulders and move on.

But I was no longer sitting there unhappy about some extra terrestrial being not giving me the help I asked for. The religious mindset was making me unhappy because it made me think I had no control over my life, someone else did.

Once I accepted that I had control of my life I was much happier and also more successful.

Reply View 0 replies

brodouevencode 10 months ago

I can speak about Christianity, because I'm a Christian.

> they’re offloaded onto some entity who is supposed to carry the load for you

This isn't supposed to happen, and in fact can be considered sinful. Christians are supposed to pick up their cross and carry it.

Reply View 2 replies

haswell 10 months ago

I was raised in a Christian church. Spiritual bypass was alive and well. The notion of "carrying one's cross" was more about finding virtue in suffering than it was about actually gaining practical tools to navigate life's difficulties or learning how to process them in a psychologically healthy way.
> This isn't supposed to happen, and in fact can be considered sinful
And this highlights the problem with turning to religion as a primary solution for dealing with life's major emotional challenges. If you don't happen to find the "true" Christians, you're out of luck. There's a wide variety of opinions and interpretations.
Unfortunately not a single one of the dozen or so churches my family bounced around while I was growing up had an enlightened view of this.
And I still have fundamental problems with "bearing one's cross" (the "correct" way) in terms of the actual psychological benefit. It personalizes things that happen in life that need not be personalized. Instead of establishing a rational reason for acceptance that can actually bring psychological freedom, it attaches the idea that it's your lot in life to suffer these specific things, which is a deeply harmful idea psychologically in the long run.
e.g. if I do something that I later regret deeply, the church says "you fucked up, and now you must feel bad about it". A more reasonable mindset is to use the regret as a signal that change is needed. To choose how to live differently in the future based on that regret. And then to leave that regret behind since the past can't be undone.

Reply View | 1 reply
- brodouevencode 10 months ago
  
  > The notion of "carrying one's cross" was more about finding virtue in suffering
  Different denominations and even different churches within a denomination will have different views on this[1]. That being said it's obvious your opinion is based on that experience but please know that this isn't the only viewpoint.
  So much of church is based in communal relationships. In Acts, Paul makes it very clear that members and even church leaders should live "life together". To not may not necessarily be considered sinful, but it certainly leaves a gap in one's soul - Paul saw this early and gave the warning.
  > "bearing one's cross"...it attaches the idea that it's your lot in life to suffer these specific things
  > if I do something that I later regret deeply, the church says "you fucked up, and now you must feel bad about it"
  > A more reasonable mindset is to use the regret as a signal that change is needed.
  Again, I think these are distinctions in opinion based on individual denominations and churches. In the SBC it's often taught the way you desire - acknowledge the mistake by admitting it to yourself and God, and fix it. Even mistakes for which there may be no real victim (other than you) - wipe the slate clean and try again (which is the whole point of Baptism).
  [1] Christianity is often seen as one thing but few understand the wide range in opinions, doctrine, canonical interpretations that exists. There are churches that openly support gay marriage and even abortion while others consider it a sin, to pick two hot topics. Scoping things just to Christianity should come with the understanding that even that may not be crystal clear, so I do apologize for not being clear earlier.
  
  Reply View | 0 replies

roninorder 10 months ago

I witnessed spiritual bypass many times in the context of people becoming "spiritual" as an emotional avoidance strategy. It's even more tragic in my experience because at least traditional religions have very strong and developed frameworks for addressing various types of grief - both individually and as a group.

Modern-day spiritualism is dominated by shallow inspiration masquerading as profound psychological and medical insight. Courses on "raising vibrational frequency", literal belief in astrology, crystal healing, etc.

Reply View 0 replies