Comment by bf9d413906

I am quite a bit older than you, so my perspective is probably a bit different, but I have learned that friendships come from shared situations and experiences. You're not going to get it from books unfortunately, and the "methods" described in some books might come across as less genuine.

First of all, have realistic expectations. You might not find that _one_ friend easily that can fulfill all your needs in one package, but you can become part of friend groups. Individual connections might grow from that.

To get there:

1. Ensure you are in a place where things are happening, e.g. a larger town or city. This just gives you more options, but even small towns have things happening.

2. Become part of social hobbies, where people frequently meet at an organized time and place. e.g. team sports, local theater groups, book club, makerspace, cooking courses, etc...., whatever you have an interest in. Pick more than one if you can. Live firmly in the real world and not online.

3. Show up and keep showing up, you need to become a familiar face to people. One-off gatherings aren't great for this, but work with what you've got.

4. Participate. Are they looking for volunteers for event X, participate. Do they need someone to help do Y, participate. People are getting together to do race Z, participate. Someone needs an hour help moving some stuff, show up. No need to overdo it, just be there and be seen as a reliable part of the group.

5. Be patient.

Especially participate in new things or initiatives, the groups are less firmly set in stone and it's easier to become part of something. Plus by participating you'll learn of other things happening in the community.

If you "don't like anything", work with what's available and pick the things that are most OK. Part of liking things is doing them. If you're in a tiny village where they only play soccer once a week, well guess what, you're going to learn to play soccer now. The activity is the excuse to be around people. If small talk bores you but small talk is what's on offer, have small talk. Life is not a stream of "big moments", the mundane is the glue.

Do not expect anything. Keep any ego firmly in check. Go with the flow and be relaxed, whatever happens happens. People can smell neediness.

Good luck !