Comment by satvikpendem

Comment by satvikpendem 2 days ago

You focus on others talking to you, why don't you talk to them? I don't mean just one conversation but making plans for hanging out next time too, or joining hobbies you'd like to do.

One thing I've learned is that you yourself must make an effort first, even if you think it's unfair or if it's a lot of work, otherwise you'll be lonely forever.

Do you know if you have any sort of neurodivergence? That may be a part of it too. You say small talk tends to bore you yet that is how people start mingling at first. Maybe people are put off by you being put off on small talk.

yresting 2 days ago

Thank you for responding! I do talk to people, in fact Im always the first to bring up events that are happening at school, around town or just in general asking to hang out and chill. It works for a bit, but then I either stop getting responses, or getting told they are free at X time but when X arrives they don’t show up or couldn’t show up, and then at the same time it’s depressing to always know you aren’t ever important enough to someone else for them to just reach out ONE time and ask you if you’d like to hang out, and yes I have ADHD.

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piva00 2 days ago

Most people are not the ones initiating a hangout with others who they aren't yet friends with, they usually join in when invited if it fits their schedule/they are bored, etc. I'd recommend trying to brush off a bit the feeling of rejection since you don't have these connections yet. It sucks a bit but knowing it's completely normal might help you not feel it's something personal against you.
My recommendation is to keep trying with the ones you felt you could potentially click, I also have ADHD but never had much of an issue to make friends, and never made it a "goal", I just kept getting interested in people and would try to meet them again, most times it fizzles out even though you can have a nice time together but eventually some people stick around and become friends over time :)
Also try to have a well defined event, and be genuine, do things you like and try to invite people you met with these shared interests, in a casual and friendly way, people are more prone to join in when they don't feel there's pressure to do it.
I think the 3 first points of this comment [0] touch very much on the core of it, if you can strengthen against the feeling of rejection, and learn to be open and vulnerable (while balancing it to not become oversharing) it can go a long way to make people see and connect with you. Almost everyone is "in the closet" somehow, putting up a mask, when people meet someone that shows less of a mask and more themselves they usually will find those interesting.
What are some social activities you like to do?
[0] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46417195

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satvikpendem 2 days ago

Your comments are showing up dead by the way, probably because yours is a new account.
How are you asking, do you have a specific time or event? If you're just saying it generally, that "we should hang out sometime", it's just them being nice rather than having concrete plans.
People will only ask you if you're actually good friends with them, until then you must keep asking if you want to keep the friendship alive.
There is also a possibility that you might be coming off weird but I doubt it as many have ADHD and have friends fine.

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