Comment by aleph_minus_one

Comment by aleph_minus_one a day ago

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> I mean, we’re already six years past COVID—something that placed a heavy mental burden

The only new factor that COVID brought in concerning dating is that it separated society into two groups which in German are disrespectfully called "Coronazis" (those who defended the restrictions of civil rights because of COVID-19) and "Covidioten" (those who did not believe in the COVID-19 fearmongering and the government measures). Both of these groups realized that they are not compatible with the other group on a human level and are thus no suitable dating matches.

This actually lead to the inception of a new dating site for those who are skeptical of official COVID-19 narrative or feel attracted to people who share personality traits of such people: https://www.conscious-love.com

eastbound a day ago

> The only new factor that COVID brought in

No it also brought kids who missed one year of socialization, positive social experiences, mingling.

Just one year? It changed habits forever in favour of remote classes, in which schoolm don’t play their role in giving a cohesive experience for students.

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  • whynotmakealt a day ago

    As a kid in final days of high school. This is so true.

    I was talking to this about this to my mum just a few days ago and she said that no it didn't impact, but I was so shocked because honestly I feel like its just not even the kids but everyone which got impacted but I genuinely feel like that there was this sense of loneliness in covid

    I am not sure but before covid everyone was friends with everybody else kind of things, I was in 6th grade and I would honestly consider it one of the best periods of my life, I remember how one of my friends had prepared covid as a general knowledge fact for an exam and he spoke it in class and we didn't think much of it untill it started spreading and then our 7th class became purely online due to lockdowns etc.

    I do feel like that there is a lost year or more and that has impacted people in a lot of ways.

    Personally, the one thing I noticed was the fact that a lot of the times, we felt like being watched by others and what not to a bigger degree.

    Like, I remember just talking to girls as friends when I was in 6th grade, It wasn't that much of a big deal but later in covid and even after covid, when the school re-opened. I found that girls used to sit seperately and we boys used to sit seperately in completely seperate rows, not even on the same rows or the same benches.

    Before covid this wasn't the case and we were sort of forced by our teachers to sit whether with boys or girls randomly and there were some good interactions that I deeply miss.

    I am not sure if this is just something that naturally tansitions from 6th to 7th grade thing or something, We boys and girls used to talk but there was clearly this disconnect of 1 year between us, boys used to talk so frequently in boys group and girls in the girls but whenever a girl talked to us, it was most likely in public chats and I mean, you could never just small talk to somebody, I think I loved small talks so I used to create personal groups with my homies just chatting but the mere act of adding a girl to talk personally online felt really making a big deal I guess.

    I personally noticed so many smaller things which I have felt as if have somewhat radicalized both girls and boys even in small mannerisms.

    There became a us vs them mentality at a younger age which really got radical in 9th grade for sure.

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    • kelnos 13 hours ago

      I agree with you in general, but I'm pretty sure the change you saw in how in boys and girls interacted with each other before and after COVID was due to puberty, not COVID, given the ages you were at the time.

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    • eastbound a day ago

      > she said that no it didn't impact

      Depending on the shape of the discussion, maybe she denied it so you don’t fell into the “I’m victim, it’s over now” trap. Grownups do that. Don’t take it bad. I’m 45 and single, and grownups tell me all the time that it’s not too late for me. I think they deny the obvious to console me, but living in a situation where everyone denies your actual situation is disorienting, and makes things worse than facing the truth.

      > boys and girls sit apart

      That’s a sudden transition in about 1 year at the age of ~12 (I don’t know what 6th grade is). It’s forever; after that they only rejoin again as couples ;) You can still make girls into friends, and groups like at the workplace include women easily (hopefully), but there’s always a tension on who’s going to date whom, and is this guy trying to creep on me, etc. which makes both genders more natural apart.

      Just to help you distinguish between Covid effects and normal life.

      What’s probably specific on Covid was: Dating fell off (2021), dating at the workplace is a big nono (2017), cost of living (2022), radicalization of opinion and realization that pro-Covid and doubters don’t fit together (2020). On the last point, I remember leftists and rightwings living together before that, and it might have started in 2017 with the Trump election, but each other deny the sanity of the other group. i.e. really radicalized.

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      • whynotmakealt a day ago

        Yeah radicalization is really bad

        I wasn't intending to victimize myself, I am not saying that its just me whose changed, but its rather the whole world which feels changed idk really

        That’s a sudden transition in about 1 year at the age of ~12

        Yeah I was of 11 years in 6th grade, and since the sudden transition happened after covid in 7th-8th grade when I was in 12-13 years old, I assumed it was because of covid where this seperation began, its good to know that isn't the case but still

        Afyer 7th grade, I wasn't on any social media like instagram even though my whole class generally was.

        I feel like online helps reduce the tension but as someone not using insta, I wasn't going to ask a girl her number since even in 7th-8th grade I knew that it felt as if a huge deal.

        I always felt like the us vs them thing, we boys didn't need a reason to talk to each other, "hey bro what's up"

        Whereas as I said, you always felt like a reason to talk to girls, I mean not always but usually, simply because you haven't talked to a person in 1-2 years and they don't even sit with you and you rarely need their help and vice versa

        Honestly all of these things just make me treat woman really in a way to not be myself completely, like as an example, I am confident with my homies, I would just rant about anything or be myself completely and live my life but I will try to present myself in a better light in front of woman generally, not sure if that's a bad thing or good thing but I just want a girl really to be completely honest to each other to see if me and her are compatible or not and if there were some issues, then to read the relationship issues and try to fix what I can fix in my life really.

        > I’m 45 and single, and grownups tell me all the time that it’s not too late for me. I think they deny the obvious to console me, but living in a situation where everyone denies your actual situation is disorienting, and makes things worse than facing the truth.

        I will tell you the truth in the sense that its a mixed bag. Culture plays an important role in influencing what a girl seeks in a man in the sense that there is just a (sensation?) that if they like a guy or not whereas we males generally have a somewhat fixed/universal standard of what we look for in a girl.

        So now whatever a girl feels, one of the most important factors found is culture/shared values. As an example, Girls with strong countryside culture or cultures which value money, might value a guy whose stable in his 40's more than a struggling artist but I have found that there are other girls whose culture makes them value struggling artist more than the stability.

        I think you just need to find common values. Try to meet woman more and actually ask for dates etc. start slow, start by asking for time from a random girl (the example the book gave), and move up to complimenting to then asking for dates to random girls

        Another key note is that everybody has a very high rejection/ low compatbility rate, mark manson's book gave an idea about it but I found out that rejections are common, in fact more probable so you shouldn't bother about it at all or atleast try not to.

        Personally i have tried such things but I wasn't ready and I still think I am not, I am honestly just going to talk to girls asking for dates etc only after getting to know them first instead of the opposite, maybe sharing some common qualities like coding/messing around with linux and niche ideas y'know?

        But I would still recommend you that although I understand you, I also understand why everybody denies it, simply because they don't want to make you lose hope in the whole situation.

        It maybe hard but there is no definition of hard here really, There are some qualities which other people might envy of you for sure and you might too but you are you and they are them, you are perfectly fine in your own body and playing with whatever thing you have got, no matter how hard or easy it is. I would say its still worth it and also maybe once again, that you might be thinking of it as something too hard and I understand that.

        Just try to be a honest guy, if you think you really enjoy the company of some girl, just tell them in an honest way and just be yourself, I feel like that could help the most but I would say to please keep my advice with bare minimum as my track record for dating has been ... rough to say the least and I have taken a break from it for sometime I suppose.

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        • eastbound 18 hours ago

          Yep, that’s the moral of the story: Keep trying, for both of us. PS: Don’t expect a girl to share programming as a hobby, it’s virtually nonexistent, even if it looks like this at school.

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