Comment by circlefavshape 3 days ago
My dad is in the early stages of Alzheimer's and it's made me think of what I'll do if I find myself in the same situation
Assisted suicide sounds like a fine option until you think of its impact on your loved ones. Imagining putting my wife and kids through my deciding to die, and the process of them bringing me to the place where it happens - or imagining one of them doing the same thing - just fills me with horror
One of my friend's parents had a neurological disorder in his later years and was considering suicide. I don't know the details, but I know he had mentioned it to my friend. I believe he was convinced to try one more procedure that the logistics never lined up for. He ended up dying anyway a short number of years later.
He kept to himself, so I didn't know him well. I did know that he was an independent and thoughtful man who hated that his tremor got so bad he couldn't feed himself. I remember talking with his family about if those self-balancing Google spoons might help.
There are two kinds of people for whom suicide sounds appealing: those in poor health who don't want to experience it getting poorer, and those for whom the difficulty of being alive outweighs the joy of it. If you're in the former camp, that pain is coming for them anyway. If you're in the latter camp and still make the decision, maybe you don't have those close bonds that make you want to persevere.
Death happens to all of us. I’m 51 and as far as I know have no terminal illness. I stress to everyone that I focus on “living a good life. Not a long life”. My wife and I balance living every year like it might be our last and saving for a long life. We don’t put off traveling, concerts, hanging out with friends and other experiences so we can “retire rich”. If we can’t afford expensive travel in our 60s because we spent our younger healthier years traveling - so what? Statistically we won’t be healthier in ten years than we are now and we are both gym rats.
I “retired my wife” at 46 in 2020, eight years into our marriage so she could enjoy her passion projects and I have turned down more lucrative jobs that would have required me to work harder and be in an office so I could work remotely from anywhere - but realistically in US time zones.
Everyone who knows me, knows that I would die with no regrets. As far as my wife who loves me and my grown (step)kids who I know also love me, I don’t owe physical suffering to anyone. Assisted suicide because of Alzheimer’s is more tricky than something like cancer though. What can you do? Sign something in advance where once you can’t pass a cognitive test three months in a row - kill you?
Death comes for us all. It’s okay to cultivate emotional fortitude to die on own terms, at the place and time of our choosing, with grace. Would you rather them remember you as a shell of who you were, long dead mentally while the body continues on? Death is a part of life we cannot avoid, nor should we.
> If you wait until a life is "obviously no longer worth living", it is already too late —- Kahneman
Live your life in a way that it is worth living until you no longer can, I suppose. To exist is hard, do your best.