>> You really don't want to end up with dementia and related illnesses, it totally sours everyone's view of you.
I don't think this is fair. I know several people who died with Alzheimer's and although their final years were very difficult for them nobody has a bad opinion of them. It's certainly a strain on the family but intimating that if you have dementia you better kill yourself or your legacy will be ruined is not ok.
Sorry if I'm missing something but how do you plan to exit on your own terms if it's not allowed, and your only legal tools are DNRs and living wills?
It seems like DIY methods could be risky to your family if you're already impacted by the disease, and your own competency is called into question.
You're not missing anything. I did not want to get too deep into it here, because let's be honest; thinking about having to take our own life is a really, really dark place to go, even if it with the best of intentions. I'm not really sure that HN is the place for that type of discussion, at least not on any detailed level.
At the moment, I have standing orders in place that no heroic measures or treatments should be enacted in the event that I am in a terminal or vegitative state. I've communicated clearly to family members that would be responsible for my decision making that things are not to be prolonged or dragged out for the sake of emotional contrivance.
Without knowing how we will die, it's really quite impossible to plan around it, of course. My comment, more or less, expresses my desire to have more control over my exit in the event that I am put in a position to become a massive burden on those I love; this is something I consider a reasonable and rational request, where the folks that make our laws do not. None of that changes without discussing and sharing our viewpoints on the matter, though, which I suppose was all that I was doing.
Thanks for sharing. I asked because I've had similar thoughts, and I'm not sure what can be done about it. I believe that there is usually a time window where it's possible to know what's coming your way and have the capacity to do something about it. Easier said than done.
Good luck to you.
Not to mention that you won't really care what people think of you because you'll be dead.
I think the suggestion needs more thought, but I don't necessarily disagree with the idea of making my exit before the dementia really sets in. I've directly cared for two family members who suffered from it (collective 5 years of my life, which I'd like to think gives me a pretty good view of what the disease can actually do to people) and I decided for myself that I'd rather be quietly killed than put my loved ones through what I went through as a caretaker. While also trying to work a full-time job and maintain my own sanity while I watched people I'd known all my life be destroyed, becoming tortured versions of themselves like something out of a body-snatchers horror film.
We, the loved ones, made the decisions to keep them going and I wonder how fair that was to them. We tend to not want to let people go, choosing to sacrifice quality of life for the sufferer and those around them for, what, a few fleeting moments of possible clarity? The opportunity to say goodbye to someone who may or may not even understand what is happening?
The events I went through with my family hurt us in ways that will not likely ever heal, despite effort on at least a few of our part, and it did leave me wondering if I would put my son or wife through that should something similar ever happen to me. I decided against it, seeing as I am at the age where these are very real possibilities. In the US, we have DNRs ("do not resuscitate") and living wills that offer prior directives, but something like assisted suicide is not allowed here unless some very extreme circumstances are met, because insurance companies and hospitals make more money from suffering people than dead ones. I'm a strong advocate of the right to die, but it is a decision that needs to be made some extensive consideration and documentation before one actually needs it.