Comment by Cthulhu_
I think masking is easily conveyed with words because everybody does it - other terms used are "code switching" where you talk differently to friends, family, parents, bosses, subordinates or children; "emotional labor", a phrase often used for service industry people (think receptionists) where people pretend to be in one emotional state (happy and cheerful) for the sake of their job or role while they really aren't. This is even worse / more obvious in the US where a lot of people can / do switch their personality on a whim, e.g. when picking up the phone.
What's different is that for neurotypical people they don't seem to be aware of it and it comes naturally, but for ND it's learned behaviour that costs energy and conscious effort to do. And they feel like they have to do it because society is used to people effortlessly doing it all the time, so if you don't you're considered off, or simply don't get to participate in society because you're weird/boring/scary. The latter is the worst, you're just yourself but people get uncomfortable around you. They won't tell you why nor just accept you (which is understandable, biological defense mechanisms etc), but you do become an outcast. Unless you play the social games.
> Presenting autism-coded behavior around autistic people is stress-free.
Anecdotal, but... not necessarily, any one person's behaviours can affect someone else negatively.
> but for ND it's learned behaviour that costs energy and conscious effort to do. And they feel like they have to do it because society is used to people effortlessly doing it all the time, so if you don't you're considered off, or simply don't get to participate in society because you're weird/boring/scary.
And of course, every now and then you fail to do it right and people think you were acting really weird but won't explain why.