Comment by squircle

Eh, one man's trash is another man's treasure. I agree with you, I think, that the grass is always greener...

Having a child similarly changed my life. (My father died when I was 7, so I understand intimately what it would mean to her if I was gone. By now I have outlived him and have zero correlates for navigating life, except what I've observed in others paired with the narrow and provincial life experience gathered trying to survive.)

Here's the rub though... if there was a threat to your son's life, or anyone you care about really, would you have the aptitude to put yourself in harms way, take a bullet or otherwise lay down your life so they might live to see another day? If your family was starving in the middle of winter, would/could you adeptly brave the elements to keep them alive or, all else lost, allow yourself to die so they could eat your flesh and live another day? Rather dark, I know. But, modernity with all its trappings does not prepare us for the unknown. Yet the unknown is part of our individual and collective evolution.

The downside of surviving and returning to a safe and comfortable existence is anhedonia. Everything is grey. Every day feels like a slow death. There is nothing important to do because the first world problems and mild activity of daily life are now incomparable and inconsequential. And the vast majority of people you meet have never had to make truly hard decisions. This is an observation, not a judgement. It is a lonely feeling.