Comment by porphyra

Bed sharing isn’t just about SIDS, it’s about litterally just rolling over and smothering your child (sometimes those do get lumped in together, but increasingly they are separated if they can be).

If you are overweight, sleep on a standard western style mattress, have any sleep disorders, smoke, drink, use illegal drugs, or even some prescription medications, you are much more likely to smother your infant.

The risk of all sleep related causes of death is around 1/1000 in the US, but you can reduce that risk 100x if you follow all of the safe sleeping recommendations.

1/1000 is pretty low but it’s higher than the chance of your infant dying in a car accident, disease, or any other cause of death for full term healthy babies.

My wife (pediatric ER doctor) has had to declare numerous babies dead from a parent rolling over and suffocating their infant and usually the parents weren’t intoxicated at the time.

I have 2 kids (and a 3rd on the way). I know how hard it is to follow all the safe sleeping recommendations, but the risk is real and the cost is so high.

Some of that fear isn’t necessarily unfounded. In America the people are larger and the beds are softer. This creates a larger, deeper divot around the adult for the baby to roll in to and suffocate.

Most of the American parents I know practiced bed-sharing including myself. But we would also answer "no" when asked about at the doctor's office because that's the "right" answer. So... I am skeptical about any negative statistics on bedsharing. We're not obese and don't drink or do drugs. That probably mitigates a huge amount of associated risk.

I've come to think the American norm is something of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Bedsharing becomes dangerous mostly when the parents fall asleep intoxicated. You might have noticed that you're much more likely to wake up with your arm partially numb if you pass out drunk than if you go to sleep sober. But because bed sharing is discouraged, it's mostly less responsible parents who do it, which creates a stronger apparent correlation with infant suffocation.

If you ask around among other parents you’re going to find that bed sharing is a lot more common than the medical community wants it to be. We had a lot of reasons for doing it and so did many of our friends.

If I recall correctly, there was some recent research connecting the cholinergic system to SIDS, pointing at possible changes in practices to reduce the risk.