Comment by 1659447091

> I feel like I owe something more direct to the specific people who shaped my life.

> How do you meaningfully give back to people who helped you early on

Pay it forward is the popular answer here, and a good one. To me, it's a bit limiting and maybe it's why you feel a debt in your life. It's chasing a phantom transaction, to level a balance but there is no score.

I take the approach of "being the person I want to see in the world", and that person is made up of all the people that have shown me kindness, took a chance on me, or otherwise showed grace. It's also made up of the person I wished had been there for me at times. The key is deciding who that person is for you though; some people want to be like the flashy "influencers" that they like to see in the world (on sm) and will act accordantly.

Instead of thinking about how to balance the debt, make the -- sometimes inconvenient -- effort of choosing each day to incorporate the positive parts of the people you feel gratitude toward. Then you end up doing/being many different positive things, big and small, for all types of people -- naturally (not seeking it out) -- the same way many of the people most likely did when they helped you. After all, if 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,' then I would argue that incorporating the positive behaviours or traits of those who have made an impact into who you are becoming is the sincerest form of gratitude.