Comment by zozbot234

Comment by zozbot234 4 days ago

5 replies

The typical case of physical bullying is not just "things happening that you don't like"; it's wanton, unprovoked assault and battery. Even lesser forms of bullying generally involve some kind of unambiguous threatening, menacing or intimidation. The "emotionally mature" way of dealing with such things in any sane society is not to just walk away, but rather to acknowledge that such actions are inherently an outrage to their fellow students' basic human dignity, and demand that those responsible face meaningful consequences. The fact that "it's rarely much physical pain" (and that merely because kids are involved as opposed to adults) is completely irrelevant.

Retric 4 days ago

That may be your memory, but in the typical day it’s intimidation and emotional abuse. Especially in terms of girls who make up half the population, they rarely get punched in the face but arguably have larger issues to deal with.

I’m not accusing you of misrepresenting the situation, just trying to convey what’s objectively going on can feel very different from what people’s lived experience is. Someone with older siblings can barely register being bullied in some situations that really are traumatic to others.

  • mewpmewp2 3 days ago

    In elementary school I had a girl in class who the other girls made fun of. There was nothing physical. Boys kind of made fun of her as well, but what really stuck to her was the other girls. She did therapy, but even her therapist told her that she is a hopeless case. Which is obviously extremely unprofessional and terrible. She ended up taking her life in her 20s. It was just mental bullying by peers. It is very sad to think back at the time. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her to deserve this bullying, and peers did it as some sort of self esteem popularity type of thing.

    I do remember school being this survival of the fittest type of thing as well. Some were naturally good at it, others not so much, different people handled it differently.

  • [removed] 3 days ago
    [deleted]
  • abecedarius 4 days ago

    Certainly it was the most common for me (also California public school). That does not mean I would not bring up the physical violence as the first item in the list! It's the one least open to interpretation.

NoMoreNicksLeft 4 days ago

>The "emotionally mature" way of dealing with such things in any sane society

If my children lived in a war zone and were suffering constant (high risk) of being killed or mutilated, the mature way of dealing with that wouldn't be to teach them to take cover, or survival skills, or medical triage and first aid... it'd be to just leave and never go back. Get one million miles away from it. Normalizing it, saying "what are you gonna do, we live in a war zone" is strange. But it's just as bizarre to say "you should become an anti-war activist and demand that the diplomats make a lasting peace".

No, just get the fuck out as quickly as is humanly possible, and never look back. Later, when you're someplace safe, maybe you do therapy for the PTSD (I have my doubts that it works), but the first and most important step is to put distance between yourself (or your children) and the threat, enough distance that makes it impossible for the threat to follow.