Comment by steve_adams_86

I was diagnosed as a kid with narcolepsy because of the daytime dreaming which I struggled to describe as anything other than hallucinations.

I knew they were dreams because they felt like dreams, yet they were happening at the wrong time. I actually thought I was going crazy and dying, so I didn’t tell anyone for a year or so. Haha.

Before it happened I would get sort of a cold sweat and—bizarrely—nauseating pain in my shoulders and elbows, then I’d fall into a chilling state of weakness or outright paralysis. I’d have a few moments to realize this awful thing was happening, then try to get myself into a sustainable position and tell whoever I was speaking to that I’d be incapacitated for a minute or two.

It felt absolutely awful. The pain in my bones was unbearable, and the visions I’d have would often give me nightmares later on.

One of the strange qualities of the dreams was that I’d often see “nothing” very vividly. Like looking into a black hole, but rather than seeing nothing, I could clearly perceive that absence. Much like you can feel the absence of heat as cold, I could sense the absence of light, but as much more than just “darkness”. It was a confusingly massive, horrifying, eternal thing that wanted to swallow everything around it.

One of the “nothings” I’d see was death itself, who would visit me only to terrify me and threaten me that it could take my family and friends away. Sometimes it would bring my dead friends to me.

Yep, I was pretty sure I was going insane. I’d try to snap out of it by screaming or running, but I couldn’t move or speak or anything. I can still recall all of it in what seems like vivid detail. I have some memories where I can tell my brain is doing some clever back-filling, but these ones seem to have a special place reserved. I suspect a lot of the dreams were traumatic (sometimes I’d shake and cry for a few minutes after because it seemed so real) and there’s some evidence that truly horrifying things really do stick around in clear detail, longer than typical memories.

For some reason it all pretty much stopped around age 25. I still get the odd sinking feeling and all the ensuing terror, but I don’t get as weak and no dreams come. The bone pains happen too, but it’s thankfully pretty mild.

Narcolepsy is definitely weird. I’m a bit surprised the author never realized it, haha. I had no idea I had ADHD until close to my 40s though, so maybe I shouldn’t be too surprised.