Comment by mindentropy

I can so relate to this. I had anxiety since my childhood for some reason especially exams. I used to consistently stand top 3 in my class. Just like you I have under performed hugely for the amount of work that I have put in and I used to get this feedback constantly from my friends and classmates. I used to put a lot of effort and consistently and obsessively outworked my peers. The under performance made me a lot bitter unfortunately.

>I trained myself mentally to not care about any shit so much actually, and I made it a habit of giving my best at everything I do, regardless of the outcome.

I have started doing this. When I hit rock bottom, I lost a lot of relationships except my parents. This was kind of most comforting as I was now transported back to my younger days where I used to be absorbed with my books and projects. I have now started reading again and restarted a lot of projects. For some reason interacting with people causes me a lot of anxiety. Weirdly, being with elder older people has a very calming effect in me perhaps due to them taking things slow.

>Along with that, fitness is another thing that worked wonders.

Yes and this is something that I miss. My new office sucks and I don't get out as much. I used walk a lot when I was younger and was very slim and light. Now I have put on weight I feel that sluggishness and tiredness which I really have to work on. Along with this I want to get back to good sleeping habits. I feel incredible when I have a good night's sleep.

>Working on my favorite projects is another plus. It will be a plus in your case too, I am sure.

Yes definitely. I am feeling restlessness these few years because work at office is taking all my time. Personal projects used to give a me a lot of peace of mind as I still have my natural inquisitiveness. Learning new things is something I love to do and keeps my mind healthy and fresh. Working with my hands is something that I love to do.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. At least I know that I am not alone in this mess.