Comment by tripster_

ACE 5, as a child I was never tested for giftedness. From first grade till I took my SAT equivalent I never really studied, I just got things from class and I never did any homework. When I got to college (STEM) I had to repeat a couple of years because applying the same method as high school did not work - made me feel inferior.

When I started working I felt liberated, felt like life was different and because of that I had some success, but because I never really applied myself in school I lacked the exercise to do that and wherever I worked I was always the worst of the best. In my 40s now and I recently realized what it means to study, to put effort into something and this happened because I am now the worst of the worst - COVID took my depression to a new low, I'm just starting to go up again.

I have a child from a previous marriage that I don't know how to relate to, I keep trying to bond by I end up hurting them more - that's my biggest pain point. I am alone now, sometimes lonely, sometimes happy to be alone, but ideally I would like a partner.