Comment by Perenti
ACE of 8, IQ 170+, did absurdly well at High School. Am diagnosed ASD (at 50 years old) , have a psych friend say I'm ADHD but untestable.
I've had incredible highs (University Medal for example) in between various crises. My life is pretty shit, and I'll die alone. It took me a very very long time to learn to have nothing to do with family.
You're doing better than I am at this time.
What makes you think you will die alone? I know many that have said that and have had late life turn around, but a big part of it is just being ok with yourself. The good, the bad, everything in between. The marbled reality that is you. To be like the trees that curve and twist and bend, flourish in one spot but drop leaves and branches in another.
It is not easy but it can be done. While the wake of the past can be turbulent, it is just that in the past. You can be aware of it, moved by it but remember you are the boat now that makes the wake. Don't deny the past, merely accept it as something that has happened, it does not need to dominate the time that you have.
Also seeing a therapist/counseling can be very helpful in this. Don't try to do this alone even if it can be difficult to bring yourself to do it! The anxiety of what it is like is far stronger than the actual event.