Comment by frmersdog

ACE 5, though I think this is inaccurate because the quiz seemed to focus on issues with adults, whereas I had at least two instances of major trauma involving peers (and one shortly after starting college), as well as several low-grade, long-running stressors related to my race, stature, sexuality, etc.

As for my gifted bona fides, 9x%th percentile IQ and SAT scores, gifted/competitive STEM track through high school, my bachelor's degree cost me $5,000, total (tuition was $30k/yr; I wanted the nicer dorm). I often feel stupid, but apparently I'm not.

Currently unemployed (since the beginning of the pandemic). Living at home. Money is tight. Whatever's wrong with me, I really can't afford to get it treated. I wouldn't mind if I was making progress on things that are meaningful to me, but I have a hard time keeping focused, and being confident in my plans, goals, and abilities. I can definitely feel myself falling behind. No, that's incorrect. I've long fallen behind.

What I think separates me from some of the other boys I know who grew up similarly and who ultimately had more success: a more consistently positive social experience. (It probably helped that they were large for their age. Why? Enhanced benefit-of-the-doubt in matters of athletics, romance, and maturity, even if you're being weird or hyper or spazzy or moody, leading to fewer derails of your attempts to build relationships. Greater confidence, greater stability, greater shelter from the things about yourself and your past that you can't escape.)

I might also be a bit of an asshole.